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A year ago today, I composed my inaugural blog post, clad only in my favorite lingerie, with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around me. As I write my sixtieth post, I’m completely naked in bed, the same set of French lingerie somewhere on the floor from when the boyfriend removed it last night. I’m back in the same city where my blog was born, but instead of being a few weeks away from the end of my internship, I’m starting the next chapter of my life. Moving here is my last big move, until either the boyfriend & I get married (fingers crossed!) or until I move back to France to recover from my heartbreak (not bad for a contingency plan, right?).
It’s been a good year for Confessions of a Virgin.
I wrote a guest post for Therese at How to Lose Your Virginity… and then the boyfriend & I ended up doing an interview for her documentary.
I joined Twithouse, a twitter organization of ambitious co-ed and post-grad women.Even after the recent scandal, I’m still proud to be a member, and I still love the other women in the group.
I’ve received comments, emails, and DMs from virgins who relate to my posts. I’ve received comments, emails, and DMs from non-virgins who have admitted my blog has changed their perspective on virgins and virginity.
My pseudo-anonymous identity has given me the freedom to be raw and honest. To admit I’m a sexual being, even if I’m not engaging in coitus. To share my thoughts on sex and virginity. To write without fear of judgment. To open up about my sexual assaults. To advocate for women’s rights.
Writing a (mostly) anonymous blog has resulted in some of the most personal writing I’ve ever done. It’s so much realer than any of my previous work.
And yet it has only been a half-truth, at best.
May 4, 2011, I sat in a train station in London with my best friend Mark,* as we waited for our train to take us back to Paris. At this point, he and I had already had many heart-to-hearts, not just in our few days together in Europe, but over the course of three years of best-friendship.
In that moment, for whatever reason, my last deep, dark secret spilled out.
Something I had kept buried since I was 17.
A secret I just pretended didn’t exist.
I guess after two years in France, during which I changed more than I did in eight years of high school and university, I couldn’t lie anymore. At least, not to Mark.
Over the past year, I’ve told my cousin/best friend Nick, my best friends Rose, Lauren, Hardy, James, Ali, Jane, Christa, Brittany, and Sarah. Annnnnnd I think that’s it. Oh, and Ron, the guy I sorta dated in France.*
That’s it.
Until now.
Because I’m tired of hiding. Telling half-truths. Worrying. Denying who I am.
I’m bisexual.
And my family will probably never know.
“I’m also a unicorn. Or maybe a bicorn … Anyway, I’m starting to believe in my own magic.” —Brittany, Glee
I end up in tears at least once every time I go home. Somehow homosexuality or bisexuality or gay marriage or whatever comes up when I’m home. I’m from a highly-educated, very passionate, sorta southern family, and we enjoy discussing politics, literature, current events, religion, films, everything.
Too bad both my mother and kid brother have explicitly said they don’t believe bisexuality is real.
Too bad my father and kid brother have only recently come to terms with same-sex marriages being okay.
Too bad my home church denomination has recently reaffirmed its stance that marriage is between one man and one woman.
Too bad I can’t trust my twin brother with a secret to save my life. At least he’s totally accepting of all sexualities, to the best of my knowledge.
A few weeks ago, we were discussing my church’s recent statements, not just on marriage, but also on the Bible. My parents both kept interrupting me, and I raised my voice to be heard, and my mother told me not to yell. I stormed off to my room and promptly burst into tears.
I know they all think I overreacted.
I don’t give a fuck.
I have the good fortune of being in love with a man who is everything I ever wanted and more.
It doesn’t erase the doubt deep down that if I had brought home a woman, my family wouldn’t accept me anymore.
A well-timed confession via postsecret.com
So I’m anonymous. Mostly. I think about twenty of my friends IRL now know about my blog. Friends I trust knowing the most intimate details of my life. I’m sure these friends also know that if they ever out me to anyone from high school, or university, or basically anyone in the South, we will never speak again. But if I thought there was a chance of them doing that, I never would have sent them the link to my blog. I know all my secrets are safe with them.
It’s been a good year for Confessions of a Virgin. I’m looking forward to an even better second year, a more honest year.
Masculine, hairy and beefyAdam Champ approaches the stables wearing his cowboy hat and an open flannel shirt. He surveys the landscape to find that he's the only one around. He rubs on his furry chest and flexes his muscles wishing he had another rancher to play with. Since he's by himself, he can't wait any longer and he pulls down his pants to feel his ass and cock
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Muscle buddies Chad Williams and Carlos Marquez don’t see Dred watching over them from atop a cliff, but down in the canyon they sure feel the wilderness’ pervasive urges. They’re doing what guys do when they’re alone with nature -- roughhousing in the river, pissing upstream and scurrying back to camp so they can settle into some savory and zealous lovemaking. Chad is tall and lean, hard bodied and hairy. Carlos, whose well developed arm is covered with a ¾ sleeve tattoo, is compact, robustly muscled and smooth. There’s just a teasing ring of hair around his asshole, and Chad licks it neatly down to expose the hot hairy hole, which he fucks with slow and deep strokes. His thick meat parts the fully packed, round globes of Carlos’ muscular ass for an extensive pummeling. Chad splatters his scalding cum on Carlos’ chest, licks it up and spits it back onto Carlos’ tit, massaging the precious lube around the taut nipple with his tongue. That makes Carlos cum big time.
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A year ago today, the boyfriend and I had our first date. We had been emailing each other almost daily for several weeks, first via okcupid and then with our gmail accounts.
I wore my new black sundress from Target, a dress that is still one of my favorites. He wore a red golf shirt that I still don't like and jeans.
We met outside a restaurant not far from my apartment. He motioned to shake my hand, but I hugged him instead. He was surprised, and I laughed.
We talked nonstop throughout dinner and for who knows how long afterwards, partly hoping the rain would stop and partly not wanting the date to end.
Unbeknownst to me, the not-yet-boyfriend stared at my cleavage unabashedly while I looked over the menu, but he swears it was my excellent conversational skills that won me a second date.
I wanted to kiss him good-night, but between the rain, and the smokers outside the door, and his to-go box, and my purse... it just didn't feel right. I hugged him again instead.
I was giddy all night.
Back at my apartment, I called my new best friends Hardy* and James* to hang out, since my roomie/bestie Lauren* was gone that weekend. I ended up meeting them at a party with a bunch of their fraternity brothers. I let one guy blatantly hit on me and buy me drinks, and I shamelessly flirted with all the brothers. I gave another guy my number, although, in my defense, I thought he was gay, so I thought he literally just wanted to hang out to practice French.
I obviously did not intend to start anything serious with the not-yet-boyfriend. Yes, we had an amazing first date. Yes, I wanted to see him again. But I was also leaving the Midwest just three weeks later, August 18th, and moving to the Northeast August 28th for ten months. Dating him was just for funsies. I had zero intention of falling in love.
But I did. :) And I've never been so happy in my life.
As you read this post, I'm driving back to the Midwest; back to Lauren, Hardy, and James; back to a fun, open-minded city with tons of young people; and, most importantly, back to the boyfriend.
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Zeb Atlas and Landon Conrad are going to fill you screens with bulging meat of every sort in this action set. Furry pumped pecs, scruffy masculine faces, hairy pits and asses - our studs are so hot and hairy.
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With the cards stacked against him and nothing left to wager, Ben Brown folds and yields his ass to Bruno Knight. Bruno teases his willing victim, licking and nibbling the young stud's face and neck to taste the salty sweetness of his skin. Bruno eats out his manhole then f*cks Ben's hairy ass, working himself in as far deep as he can. He pounds then slows it down and then jackhammers again.
According to my goodreads account, I've read 41 books in 2012. This does not count rereads of books, which would bump up my number considerably. And it might be missing a few books I forgot to record. But according to My Library, I've reviewed considerably less. Oops.
In a desperate attempt to catch up, at least with the best books I've read, I'm again linking up with Heather & Katie for Book Club Friday!
Being home for three weeks has given me plenty of time to read leisurely while laying out by the pool, or while sitting on the pool steps, or while relaxing in my pool float. Two books I finished recently are both about recent Ivy League graduates with student loans to repay, graduates who end up tutoring rich high school students.
How to Teach Filthy Rich Girls, by Zoey Dean, is uproariously hysterical. I giggled throughout the entire thing. Yes, it required a total suspension of disbelief, but whatever. It's a shining example of chick lit. Clever, escapist, romantic... And apparently it inspired a short-lived TV series called Privileged. Who knew?
Although it has a similar premise, Glamorous Disasters by Eliot Schrefer has only flashes of humor and presents a much darker overall tone. I still very much enjoyed it, devouring the novel in an entire (admittedly depressing) afternoon at the pool (I was just in a horrible mood Monday, for no good reason at all).
Wow. Who knew I could write such a short review? I guess I left out summaries this time, but I did link to the amazon page for both books, if you're dying to know more. ;)
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Perched atop a ladder, contractor Race Cooper is interrupted by scruffy Jessie Colter: "Think you might need a break?" asks the boss, smiling up at Race as he unbuckles the smooth stud's jeans. Jessie plants his stubbly chin to the base of Race's big shaft, deep-throating the muscle stud and whipping his dick around. The breathless Jessie strokes his own throbber as he sucks, spit gobs falling to the floor. Jessie rubs Race's defined stomach, then offers his ass for eating. Jessie gets his big dick serviced, holding Race's head down as the gagging sucker's juicy lips are buried in his groin. The two squirt, Jessie offering his ass again. Race slides his cock in, Jessie arching his back and moaning as pieces of the wall fall to the floor from his tight grip. On his back, Jessie shows off his boner as Race thrusts in slow and deep before picking up the pace, his balls banging Jessie's ass. The bottom gets it from behind, his ass rippling as he strokes to come -- followed by a monster load (and moan) from Race that coats Jessie's hairy chest.
We paired Los up with new gangster model Unico. Don't ask us, but Unico says he is straight and bottoms only for money. If you don't believe us, don't hate us; we're just reporting what he told us. In this movie, Los does an even better job at being a hardcore top, f#cking Unico with long hard strokes. Wow, we know you will love jacking off to this movie!
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Dave our most favorite straight muscle jock stopped over one late Monday evening. It caught us by suprise, but we did have a cocksucker available to give him a much needed blow job. He was hoping that stopping off would yield a good result. Boy oh boy, did it! We got to see his sexy muscled body and Trey got to suck this stud's cock, till he could take it no longer and dumped his load!
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A trio of agents run surveillance on criminals, monitoring a video feed of the suspects. But when the footage turns dirty, investigator Dirk Caber can't contain his excitement -- his hand quickly on the thigh of co-worker Shay Michaels. The bearded muscle studs are soon kissing before Dirk slurps on Shay's cock, spit gobs falling to the floor. Shay returns the favor, gurgling as he deep throats Dirk down to the thick base. Hunter Marx awakens, whipping out his big banana dick and stroking on the sofa before feeding Shay. The sucker takes turns voraciously devouring both boners before pulling them down and letting them snap up in a hot sequence. The two alpha studs spit down, lubing up their cocks as their heads graze each other. The three shoot, Dirk's massive wad coating Shay's muscle pecs. Now lying on the table, Shay feasts on Hunter's beast while getting eaten, fingered and fucked by Dirk. "You like that, you pig?' asks Hunter as Dirk rams the moaning bottom. Hunter then slides his monster cock balls-deep into Shay's hole, the top's sweaty ass hair clinging to his skin as he plunges all the way in and out. Shay sucks Dirk, who kisses Hunter above the bottom. Shay then takes out his aggression, getting Dirk's ass to ripple as he rams him doggie style. Hunter encourages the duo ("Squeeze that hole!") before topping Dirk, a hot smile across the top's face.
Pablo is a hot Blatino stud who is a natural bodybuilder and a professional runner! We loved how he mentions when he in the locker room all the other guys "sneak-a-peek" at his huge meat. Pablo loves pussy plain and simple, you will hear that often in this movie as he often calls Christian "pussy mouth". After sucking on this straight athlete's cock, Christian wasn't sure if there was a pussy deep and wide enough to hold Pablo's massive veiny cock. There is no hiding it, as you will see in the movie, this cock stretched Christian's mouth to its limits! Christian "unhinged" his jaw and delivered a professional blowjob that worked Pablo's load into an explosion!
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